As the Ice Melts Away
by Jayne Stryker
Summary: Toushiro has found another prodigy, one seemingly better than even him. But as he falls for the small girl, can he let her into his frozen heart? Can he keep her safe, even from himself?
1. Chapter 1

~Toushiro/Kaori~

The wooden stick flew from my hands yet again as captain Hitsugaya overpowered me. Sweat dripped down my face and back, and I was exhausted.

"Can we take a break captain?" I panted.

"No. Not until you get this right." He handed me my stick, and took his stance.

"Now, close your eyes. Feel the spiritual pressure of your opponent. Feel his every move, his every breath." I did as he told me, feeling the build of his energy before the strike. I opened my eyes, and raised my 'sword' to block him. Surprised, I was now on the offense, moving with a succession of strikes he couldn't keep up with. Before I knew it, he was on the ground, my sword at his throat. Panting, I lowered it and grinned.

"Now can we take that break?" I asked. He jumped up and nodded, retrieving his make shift sword.

He walked me back to my dorm in silence, seemingly deep in thought. I nudged his arm with my elbow jokingly.

"Would you like a popsicle captain?" He seemed taken aback by my question.

"Yes, please. Grape if you have it." I grinned. I _always_ had grape, it was my favorite.

"You can wait out here if you want, it's really stuffy inside." He nodded and sat on the edge of the porch. Today was the students' only day without classes in the week, so the dorm was deserted.

The cool air of the fridge felt good on my hot skin as I grabbed the popsicles and ran back out the captain.

"Heads up Captain!" I called as I tossed the frozen treat at him. As always, he caught it reflexively.

"Thank you, Kaori." I plopped down next to him and opened my Popsicle. The cold ice felt amazing after the hard training session.

I'd been training with Captain Hitsugaya for almost four months now. Even though I was only a first year, he seemed to think I had potential. And the fact that I had taken him down just now proved that. But why he bothered with me I would never know.

I was proud of Kaori, today had been the first time she'd managed to disarm me. Granted had it been a real fight she would have been dead long before she'd gotten there, but I hadn't been going easy on her.

"Captain Hitsugaya, may I ask you a question?" I looked over into her large, open eyes and nodded.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to; it's not really my place to ask, but, why don't you ever smile?" Her question caught me off guard, and I turned to look back at the rest of the dorms, my gaze locked on something far away.

"I haven't got many reasons left to smile Kaori." She was quiet for a moment, thinking over my answer.

"Can I ask you another question?"

"You're full of questions today." This seemed to worry her.

"I'll stop if you want." I felt the icy cage around my heart shifting some.

"Ask your questions Kaori."

"Would it be alright if, maybe sometime, you told me your story?" Again, that shifting around my heart. I'd never told anyone of my life. The problems that it held where mine and mine alone to bear, and telling others would simply involve them. Someone might get hurt. But suddenly I _did_ want to tell her. I _wanted _her to be involved.

"Maybe sometime, Miss. Suzuki." Something wet and cold rand down my hand, causing me to jump in surprise. I hadn't been paying attention to my Popsicle, and it had melted onto my hand. Kaori laughed. She had a nice laugh, like silver bells carried on the wind.

I slid the rest of the not-so-frozen treat into my mouth, and licked the sticky syrup off my fingers. Kaori laughed again, and imitated me.

"You have some popsicle on your chin, captain." She said, still giggling. Blushing slightly, I brushed the purple drip from my face.

We sat quietly for a while, each thinking about the other. Kaori broke the silence first, with another question.

"Why did you pick me captain?" I turned to look at her, confused.

"What?"

"Why did you ask me, a first year, to train with you? Most captains don't ask _anybody_ not even sixth years to train with them. So why me? Is it because I'm shorter than you?"

I remembered back to the first time I'd seen her fight, on the training grounds. She'd been paired with a sixth year, and she was beating him soundly. I'd seen the potential in her. She'd reminded me of myself. But that wasn't the only reason I'd asked her to train with me. When I'd looked at her, I'd felt a shock go through my body, almost like I'd been stabbed, but didn't feel the pain yet. I'd wanted to understand this feeling, the one I only seemed to get around her. So I'd found ways to spend as much time as I could with her.

"I saw a lot of potential in you, Kaori. You remind me a lot of myself." She seemed almost saddened by my answer. I wanted to see her smile again, hear her laughing.

"Can I show you something Kaori?" I asked. She looked at me and nodded, surprise clear in her brown eyes. I stood up and started walking away from the center of the Seireitei.

"Can you run?" I asked, and saw her grimace.

"Not very fast." I had an idea then, and held my hand out to her. She took it without a second thought, and I slung her onto my back. She was amazingly light, and she wrapped her legs around my waist tightly. And I was off running.

I loved running, the feeling of almost flying, speeding through the world. But that exhilaration was trumped by the feeling of Kaori on my back. I couldn't stop myself from imagining her bare legs wrapped around my waist, her small body shuddering beneath me…

I shook my head to clear it, and ran faster, trying to outrun the horrible feelings that threatened to overcome me. I couldn't do that to her, I couldn't hurt her like that. It would kill me. She rested her head on my shoulder and sighed, and again I was drowned in my horrible imagination. Her sighing m name, eyes closed in ecstasy. I growled deep in my chest and ran on. This was going to be the death of me, I just knew it.

Captain Hitsugaya was _fast._ I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder, inhaling the incredibly sweet smell of his hair, and the light, fresh scent of his skin. I tightened my grip on his waist, and he ran faster. I could have sworn he growled, but I couldn't tell with how fast we were going. Then suddenly we weren't moving anymore. I slid off his back and looked around. We were on a hilltop, far outside of the Seireitei. There was a giant old tree growing from the center of the hill. The grass was long and the ground spotted with wild flowers. I ran around in circles, laughing.

"Wow captain this is amazing!" He walked toward me, an almost-smile on his face.

"This is my favorite place. I come here when I need to think. I though you would like it." I grinned and nodded vigorously.

"Captain I love it! Thank you for bringing me here!"

"Call me Toushiro." I stopped spinning and looked at him.

"I couldn't do that! It's not my place to call a captain by their first name!" He smiled for real this time, a small one, but still a smile.

"I gave you permission, Kaori. Please." Well… if he insisted. I nodded.

"Alright… Toushiro." His name sounded strange in my mouth, but I liked it.

Kaori jumped up into the tree, and giggling, she waved to me to fallow her. I watched for another second, and then climbed up next to her. She stopped about half way up, and sat down on a branch, her back against the trunk. I sat next to her, my branch slightly lower than hers so I had to look up.

I watched her for a moment, my emotions battling against each other inside my chest. Finally, I decided to tell her.

"Kaori, do you still want to know my story?" I asked. She looked down at me and nodded nothing but curiosity in her eyes. I looked away, unable to look into those pure eyes.

"Promise me you won't feel differently about me after I tell you. Please" I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I didn't want to see the curiosity I would see in her eyes.

"I promise Toushiro." I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes closed.

"I was born in a small village outside of the Rukon district. Because of the way I looked, everyone in the village picked on me, even the adults, if in a less obvious manner than the children. My best and only friend, Momo Hinamori, defended me. She was a few years older than me, but she never looked on me as a child, but as an equal. She had always dreamed of coming to the Seireitei and becoming a soul reaper. I idolized her so much, that in time that too became my dream. Then one day, she just left. She said she was going to get out of this village, and become a join the soul reaper academy. She didn't even really say goodbye. She just left." I had to pause to take a shaky breath and regain my composure.

"I stayed in the village for another year, but without Momo there to protect me from the villagers, they got more and more violent towards me. One night I was walking home and three teenage boys jumped out from the side of the road and beat me mercilessly, then left me there. It started raining as I crawled home, bloody and broken. That night, I swore once I could, I would leave that village and go to the Seireitei and find Momo. It was a month before I left.

"It took me months to get to the academy, and once I got there I collapsed. I had had little water and even less food on my journey, and was severely malnourished. It was almost 4 months to the day when they deemed me fit enough to leave, and by then Momo had already been placed in the third squad. I enrolled in the academy. At first they didn't want to accept me, but they couldn't deny my scores on the entrance exams. I excelled in all of my classes, and even made a friend, Kukaku Shiba. When it came time for us to master our Zanpakutos, we both mastered the Hyorinmaru. Central 46 said they had no need for two of the same soul reaper, and made us fight to the death to find the rightful master of Hyorinmaru. I won, but I didn't kill Kukaku. No, the stealth force did that for me." My hands where balled into tight fists, my fingernails digging into my palms. I was shaking, my mask of cold indifference gone completely. I took a few deep breaths, and forcibly relaxed myself. I looked up ad Kaori and smiled.  
>"I'm sure you know the rest."<p>

Listening to Toushiro's story made my heart hurt. But from what Rangiku had told me, he never spoke of the past with anyone, so I felt extremely honored that he let me listen. Then he smiled at me. It was a small one, but it made him look younger, happier. It made my heart do backflips, and race faster than Toushiro's feet.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him up the tree with me, all the way to the top.

"Kaori what are you doing?" He asked, his feet unsteady on the branches. I let go of his hand and raced ahead of him, laughing.

"Hurry up you're going to miss it!"

"Miss what? What are you going on about Suzuki?" I giggled and beckoned to him. He reached the top just in time. The sun was setting, lighting the while Seireitei on fire, and bathing us in a golden light. Toushiro gasped at the sight of the whole Soul Society spread out before him, glowing like liquid gold. I sighed and leaned back against his chest. He was slightly taller than me, so he could still see over my head. I felt his heart hammering against his chest, and slowly he wrapped his arms around my waist.

What was I doing, standing at the top of a tree, holding Kaori Suzuki? If I kept this up, we'd both get hurt. I had to stop getting closer to her, but that was like telling me not to breath. I hadn't ever wanted anything so much as I wanted her. It physically hurt to think of letting go of her, of telling her not to train with me anymore, to find some other captain to do it. The hurt look that would be in her eyes, but she would put on a brave face, she was so strong. She would go back to calling me Captain Hitsugaya, if we spoke at all. And she would grow to surpass even my power.

A shudder rolled through me, causing Kaori to turn and look at me, pulling out of my grasp. She was ringed in the light of the setting sun behind her, and looked very much like an angel.

"Toushiro, what's wrong?" She asked, her voice soft and full of concern. The sun set fully behind her, making her eyes flash.

"Nothing…" I raised my hand to her cheek, gently rubbing her soft, smooth skin. She pressed against me. Somehow we'd gotten closer. Her deep brown eyes fluttered closed, her coral lips parted slightly. I lightly brushed my lips across hers, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer. Our lips touched very, very lightly, and suddenly her face flashed behind my closed eyes, pain and anger clear in her eyes. That's what would happen if I kissed her. She would get hurt. I broke our embrace, and she only looked at me, her eyes so trusting and warm. That trust hurt me more than any amount of rage could have. She had no clue how much I could hurt her.

I jumped down the tree, my feet barely touching the branches. I heard Kaori call my name, but I couldn't face her. I sank to my knees on the ground, trying desperately to stop the horrible feeling that I couldn't breathe, like I had left my heart up there, on the top of the tree, with her.

"Toushiro did I do something wrong?" Her voice was small, and she was a few feet back, keeping her distance.

"No Kaori you didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why did you run?" Her voice was quiet and sad. I had made her sad. I stood and turned to see her, looking small and lost, the pain in her eyes evident. I reached out to her, and she took a shaky step forward. I wrapped my arms around her again, and she buried her head in my chest.

"I ran because I didn't want to hurt you, Kaori. And if I keep doing this, spending time with you, I'm afraid I will hurt you. And I couldn't live with myself if I did." She spoke into my chest, her voice muffled by my Kimono.

"I'm stronger than you think. I took _you _down today after all." I couldn't help but chuckle. She really was strong, and brave, and beautiful.

"So you did."

We lay in the grass, looking up at the stars. Kaori's hand was intertwined with mind, and my thumb was rubbing circles on the back of hers. She yawned, her exhaustion showing.

"You should go to sleep, Kaori, you've got classes tomorrow." She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Will you keep me safe in my sleep Toushiro?" She asked sleepily. I looked over at her. Her eyes where half lidded and glassy, but she waited for my answer.

"Yes, I promise." She sighed again, and rolled over, resting her head on my chest. I gasped slightly, not used to such close contact. Slowly I rapped my arms around her and held her close. She mumbled in her sleep, and I stared at the stars, praying for the strength to keep her safe, from others, and myself. I wanted her in ways I shouldn't, wanted to do forbidden things to her, to steal her innocence. I was going to hell, I knew it. How could I even _think_ of doing such horrid things to someone so pure? Someone who's innocence shined out like a beacon in the dark, screaming of purity and light, and rest for the dammed. I made myself sick.

'_I hope she runs me through with her Zanpakuto when she masters it. I hope she sees what a monster I am and puts me out of my misery.' _

"Toushiro…" I looked down at Kaori's sleeping form. Was she dreaming of me? Is that why she'd said my name so clearly? She had a small smile on her face as she snuggled closer in to me.

I could feel it, slowly but surely, Kaori's light was melting the ice around my heart, and warming the frozen, broken organ. And I knew, that if I just let her into my heart, she could heal it completely.


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter Two~

When I woke up, I was still in the grass, but Toushiro was gone. I sighed and sat up; wondering if yesterday had been a dream. It was right before dawn, and the breeze was cold despite the heat of yesterday. I shivered and wrapped my kimono closer around me. Everything was silent, waiting for the sun to peak over the horizon. Maybe that's why I turned around when I heard it. A soft sound, like someone trying not to be heard crying. Crouching behind me on his knees was Toushiro; his head bowed low, one hand cradled to his chest, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

"Captain?" Something kept me from calling him by his name. His head snapped up, and he stood up, wiping his eyes with his right hand, his left still cradled by his chest.

"Miss. Suzuki. I thought you were sleeping." I shook my head and took a small step towards him.

"I woke up because of the cold," I said. My eyes dropped to his hand, and he quickly put it behind his back.

"Perhaps we should get back to the Seireitei. It's nearly dawn." Toushiro's voice was cold, colder than I'd ever heard, and I was almost afraid of him, almost.

He ran faster than I'd ever seen, and I had to close my eyes to keep from getting dizzy. We made it back to his office in minutes.

"You should go back to your dorm now. I apologize for not walking you back, but I have put off my work for too long." He turned to walk away, and I caught his hand in mine. He winced, and I looked down. Blood dripped from a long cut across his palm.

"Toushiro what happened?" He pulled his hand from my grasp and turned his icy gaze on me.

"It's nothing." Suddenly, I was mad at him, infuriated at him for not trusting me. That was all I wanted, was for him to let down that icy wall around his heart, and maybe let me in. I was so angry I couldn't find words to express to him just how much he pissed me off. So instead, I grabbed the front of his kimono and dragged him into his office, pushing him down onto his chair.

"Stay. There." My voice was filled with the anger I felt. He only nodded. I found the first aid kit, and walked back over to him, my anger cooling some. I held out my hand, and waited for him to hand me his. When he didn't, I sighed and grabbed it, noting how he resisted enough to let me know he didn't want me to see his wound.

"Oh Toushiro…" My voice was soft and sad. The wound across his palm was long and deep, obviously caused by a Zanpakuto. I looked up at him, and he looked away from me, fighting back tears. I quietly got to work on stitching up the cut, and wrapping gauze around it. When I was finished, I closed the kit with a snap that signified it was time to talk.

"Toushiro-" His eyes met mine, cold and hard.

"Kaori don't. Don't get involved in this. It's my fight, not yours, and if you get involved you'll only get hurt."

"Toushiro what happened to your hand?" He stood up and walked over to the window, his body tense. He didn't answer for a long time.

"I needed a distraction."

"From what?" My voice was so quiet I was surprised he heard me. But he did, and he whirled on me, anger burning in his eyes.

"From you! Do you know how hard it is to resist you sometimes Kaori? Do you know how I had to fight against myself when you lay there, so soft and innocent next to me?" His fist landed on the wall with a loud crack. I stood up and waked over to him slowly, confusion burning in my eyes.

"Why don't you want to get close to me Toushiro?" He moved so fast I couldn't see him, but suddenly he was in front of me, my back pressed against the wall, his arms on either side of me, caging me in. His eyes burned with self-hatred and pain, and my heart went out to him.

"Because if I get close to you, I won't be able to stop myself." His voice was quiet, pained.

"Stop yourself from what?" He was so close, his eyes looking right through me, straight to my soul. My voice was barely a whisper, but his was only a breath.

"From doing this…" And his mouth was on mine, soft but urgent, like he was trying to get as much in as he could. I gasped, my hands on his chest, pulling him closer. I felt warmth in chest growing and spreading, all throughout my body, and into his. He shuddered, and I knew he could feel in to.

The unfamiliar feeling spread through me, warming me to the very core. I slid my hands from the wall and wrapped them around her, keeping her close to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and stretched up onto her tip toes. My head got foggy, and I realized I had forgotten to breath. I pulled away slowly, and I wasn't the only one panting. I took several shaky steps back, shame coloring my face pink.

"I-I'm sorry." My eyes where cast on the floor, trying to avoid her eyes. She laughed.

"Don't be. You've no idea how long I've been wanting to do that." I look up, wanting to understand. She smiled at me, and then yawned. It dawned on me that she had class in a few hours, and I'd kept her up almost all night.

"You need to get some sleep." She shook her head.

"I'm fine really!" But I could see the tiredness in her eyes. I led her over to the small couch against the wall and gently pushed her down. She pulled me with her, and we landed tangled and laughing.

"You have a beautiful laugh Toushiro." I looked down at her in surprise.

"I haven't laughed in a long time. Thank you, Kaori." She blushed, and then yawned again.

"Sleep Kaori." She closed her eyes and cuddled against me. Soon her breathing was deep and even, a small smile on her face. I felt my own exhaustion wash over me, and I too was soon asleep, Kaori wrapped in my arms.

X

I almost never dream, and when I do, there always nightmares. But with Kaori asleep in my arms, I had the first good dream I'd had in so long I couldn't remember. It seemed so real for a second I thought I had woken. I lay in a bed, in a large, homely room. Next to me lay Kaori, with her back to me still sleeping. It dawned on me that this must be a dream when I looked in the mirror. I seemed older, much, much older.

"Toushiro?" Kaori's sleepy voice came from the bed. I turned to look at her, and suppressed a gasp. Her belly was swollen with child, her pink nightgown stretched tight across her stomach. She smiled at me sleepily and placed a hand on her belly.

"Would you like to feel her?" I nodded and walked back over to the bed, climbing next to her. She took my hand and placed it on her stomach. I could feel something small shifting under my hand. Suddenly I felt it- her, kick. I looked at Kaori, a smile spreading across my face. She smiled back and pulled me in for a kiss. I felt… happy. I wanted this future so badly, to have Kaori, for her to have my child. But could I overcome my fears enough to let her in?

I woke up, still in Toushiro's arms. He was still sleeping, that worried scowl gone from his face. He looked so beautiful, so at peace. I wondered what he was dreaming about. I didn't dare wish it was about me.

I knew I needed to get to class, but I didn't want to leave without telling him. But he looked to at rest I didn't want to wake him. I tried to stand up without waking him, but his arms where wrapped around me tightly, and as I moved he woke up. I smiled at him. He looked like a little boy, still dazed from sleep.

"Good morning sleepy head." He smiled at me, really smiled, and rubbed his turquoise eyes.

"Good morning Kaori. Did you sleep well?" I blushed, hoping he wouldn't notice. I had slept _amazingly._ I had dreamed about him, us, and what our future might be. But I didn't want him to know that.

"Yes I did. How did you sleep?" He, to blushed, and stood up to stretch.

"Wonderfully. Do you need to get to class?" I stood up quickly, realizing I would be late if I didn't hurry.

"Oh yes I do!" I made to leave, but Toushiro grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I turned, curious why he was keeping me, and he kissed me. Suddenly the world was gone, and all that was left was him, his arms around me. I remembered my dream, waking up next to him, my belly swollen with his baby.

"You need to go." I blushed and nodded, pulling away reluctantly.

"We still on for training?" He nodded, and I ran out, waving goodbye.

Somehow I managed to make it to class on time, even stopping for a quick bath and to change. I couldn't keep my mind on my classes, it kept wondering to Toushiro, in his office. I wondered if he was thinking about me. In my combat classes, my body went into auto drive, and it seemed even easier to beat my sixth former classmates. After I beat everybody in my class with time to spare, my teacher offered to spar with me. The match lasted only a little longer than those with my classmates, and then he too was on the ground. Everyone gasped, and I blushed and offered him a hand up.

"I'm sorry sensei." He just grinned and retrieved his sparing stick.

"Don't be! If you keep this up you'll graduate faster than Captain Hitsugaya!" I blushed at the mention of Toushiro, and looked down.

"Class dismissed!" Sensei yelled. This was my last class, and I nearly ran to Toushiro's office, whipping sweat from my face and fixing my hair. I was about to knock when the busty lieutenant Matsumoto walked out. I bowed and moved out of her way.

"Hello lieutenant Matsumoto." She looked at me knowingly.

"Hello Kaori. _Have fun._" I wondered at her emphasis as I walked into Toushiro's office.

"Hello Captain." He looked up from his desk and smiled at me.

"Hello Kaori. How was class, did you make it on time?" I nodded, feeling that familiar warmth spreading through me under his gaze.

"Yes, barely. I beat everyone in my combat class, even my Sensei. He said if I kept this up I graduate soon than you did!" He chuckled at that.

"Yes, you're certainly on your way to surpass me." He stood up and crossed over to me, a warm look in his eyes. He raised his hand to my face. I sighed, content. Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door, and Rangiku walked in, Toushiro dropped his hand quickly.

"Captain Hitsugaya, Captain Kurosaki asked me to… give you… these…" Her voice trailed off as my face colored pink. She raised an eyebrow and held the papers out to him.

"Am I interrupting something captain?" He walked over and took the papers.

"No Rangiku. We were just about to go out to the training grounds." She nodded and mhm'ed like she knew _exactly_ what we were doing.

"Well I'll leave you to that." And she turned and walked away, closing the door inconspicuously behind her.

"Captain Hitsugaya-"

"Toushiro." He interrupted.

"Toushiro. Does Lieutenant Matsumoto know... something?" His face grew grim, and he turned from me.

"Rangiku apparently saw us this morning while we were sleeping." I was worried suddenly, though I didn't know why. But I knew that if anybody found out about is it would go badly. Very badly.

"Kaori, we shouldn't be doing this. If anybody found out, we would both be in very serious trouble. Any sort of un-education related relationship between a captain and a student is forbidden. Rangiku wouldn't tell anyone, but if we continue someone is bound to find out." He said all this with his back to me, but I knew his expression was pained.

"Then we'll be more careful!" I knew my voice sounded almost panicked, but I very much wanted the future I'd dreamed, and if we stopped, I probably would never get it.

"Kaori-"

"No Toushiro! I _love you_! I'm not going give this up just because it's forbidden! I'll work harder and graduate early! Then I won't be a student and we can be together without being afraid!" He turned then, his eyes not pained, but incredulous.

"You- you love me?" I realized in my rant I'd said things I hadn't meant to. But I did love him. The more I thought about it, the more I felt it, deep in my chest, squeezing my heart until I couldn't breathe. I only nodded.

~  
>I didn't want to. I didn't want to stop. But I had been careless the night before, and was lucky only Rangiku had seen. Had it been anyone else, the whole Seireitei would know by now. I was running that risk anyway, with the way Rangiku ran her mouth when she was drunk. But if I stayed so selfish, I could lose my position as captain, and Kaori could get exiled from the Seireitei and loose her chance at her dream. Then she said she loved me. My heart stopped, and everything was still.<p>

"Kaori…" I whispered her name, unable to find my voice. I sank to my knees, knowing that I would never be able to let her go now, knowing she felt the same way I did. Maybe the future of my dreams was possible.

She looked worried, like she'd said something wrong. She held one arm and chewed on her lip nervously. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, restarting my heart with a painful jolt. Then I slowly stood up and walked over to her.

"We'll have to be careful." Her face lit up, and she hugged me tightly. I laughed, and hugged her back, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you to Kaori, so, so much." I whispered into her hair. She looked up at me, tears pooling in her eyes. She took my face in her hands and kissed me fiercely, and all I could do was kiss her back.


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter Three~

I grinned as Toushiro's sword flew from his hands for the fourth time.

"I win again, Captain!" Since our 'talk' in his office, I had decided to call him captain whenever we were somewhere we could be overheard, like the public training grounds. He grinned too as he retrieved his sword.

"I'd say she beat you soundly, Toushiro." I looked over quickly to see Captain Kurosaki standing a little ways away. Toushiro scowled and brushed his wild hair out of his eyes.

"It's Hitsugaya to you Kurosaki." Captain Kurosaki came closer, and I bowed to him, not saying anything.

"Aw come on now Toushiro, I'm a captain now not just some substitute. Aren't we on first name terms now?" Again he scowled, and turned to leave.

"I'll be in my office." I was going to fallow, until Captain Kurosaki turned his gaze on me.

"You seem pretty good." I blushed and nodded, still keeping silent.

"I saw you fighting earlier. You put every soul reaper below captain to shame. Hell even most of the captains weren't that good as first years! So what's your name anyway?"

"Um Kaori Suzuki, Captain Kurosaki." What was this? Did I just attract powerful and well-known captains' attention?

"You can drop that whole captain nonsense. I don't take it as seriously as that Toushiro." Captain Kurosaki was a legend at the academy. Hell he was a legend in the whole soul society. I stood there quietly, not sure what to do. When the captain picked up Toushiro's discarded combat stick, I got even more nervous.

"If Captain Icicle over there isn't a challenge, maybe you'd like to try me?" Wait, did _the_ Captain Kurosaki just offer to spar with me?

"Um, what?" He laughed at that, and nodded toward the stick in my hands.

"You made short work out of Toushiro. I'm curious as to how well you'd do against me."

"Um, okay." He took his stance, and I fallowed, remembering all of Toushiro's advice and trying to use it.

Captain Kurosaki was a lot faster than Captain Hitsugaya, but I managed to keep up. I even seemed to get the upper hand, but I had the feeling he was going easy on me. Then, somehow, I managed to trip over my own feet, and was suddenly falling face forwards to the ground.

"Whoa there Suzuki!" Kurosaki caught me and instead of falling to the ground, I slumped into his chest. I stood staring at him for a moment, and then realized what I had just done and pulled away quickly, blushing and bowing.

"I'm sorry Captain Kurosaki! I'm not usually so clumsy!" He just laughed and scratched his bright orange head.

"That's okay. You were doing pretty well just now. No wonder Toushiro offered to train you," he looked me up and down, making me blush all over again.

"You're cute to. I might have to interrupt your training more often."

"That's quite enough Ichigo." Behind him stood his lieutenant, Rukia Kuchiki, scowling halfheartedly. He turned and smiled, scratching his head again.

"Aw come on Rukia you afraid of some competition?" Competition? Everyone knew that Rukia Kuchiki and Ichigo Kurosaki where an item, so did he just say… what I think he just said.

"You're going to frighten the poor girl to death. Besides the head captain has requested your presence." He turned to me and handed me his combat stick.

"Looks like I have to go. But I will be seeing you again, Miss. Suzuki." I shivered at the tone in his voice and bit my lip, staring after him as he left. I shook myself and put away the sticks, and headed back towards Toushiro's office. I rounded the corner and stopped. There was Toushiro and Captain Kurosaki, Rukia walking towards the Head captain's quarters.

"Yeah what do you want Toushiro?"

"What are your intentions towards Miss. Suzuki?" I gasped and hid behind the building, peaking around the corner.

"What's it to you?"

"Just answer the question Kurosaki."  
>"God you sound like you own her. I think she's got amazing potential, and that's wasted by training with you. I think she should be training with someone she <em>can't<em> wipe the floor with."

"Someone like you Kurosaki?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, someone like me. I think she likes me." He said smugly. Toushiro seemed enraged.

"Why would she like a stuck up prick like you?"

"I don't know! I'm handsome, I'm strong, and I'm definitely well known around here. She didn't seem afraid to get close. You should have seen it, she 'tripped' and I had to catch her." Toushiro stepped closer to him, pure rage making his eyes gleam dangerously.

"I'm warning you, stay away from Kaori." He spun on his heel and walked into his office, slamming the door loudly behind him. Captain Kurosaki stormed off after Rukia fuming. I decided it was better to let Toushiro cool off, so I went to my dorm to change.

I took my time bathing and changing, brushing out my hair and tying it up, but I had only managed to waist and hour. I sighed and left the dorm, deciding to deal with Toushiro sooner rather than later.

I took a deep breath outside his office, and walked in, pretending I hadn't overheard him.

"Hi Toushiro." I said cheerfully. He was sitting at his desk, busily writing. He didn't look up or acknowledge my greeting. I could see by the set of his shoulders that he was tense. I walked over to him and took the pen from his hand, sitting on the edge of his desk. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out another pen, getting back to work.

"Toushiro?" my voice was soft. Was he angry at me? He couldn't believe what Captain Kurosaki had said, could he? The answer was obvious in his manner; yes, yes he could. I reached for his pen again, but he grabbed my wrist before I could get it. His grip was icy and tight, so tight it hurt. But I didn't react.

"I have work to do. Please leave." But he didn't let go of my wrist.

"What's wrong?" He squeezed me wrist tighter, making the bones pop, but I didn't wince, or react at all.

"If you wanted to train with Ichigo why didn't you tell me?" His voice was strained and angry.

"Because I don't." His grip tightened. I would have bruises.

"I was a fool to think this would work. I was a fool to let you hold me, to tell you my story and believe you loved me. I was such an _idiot."_ His grip on my arm tightened again, and I felt something shift painfully.

"Toushiro what happened?" My voice was steady even though I wanted to cry from the pain, and his venom-filled words.

"I spoke to _Ichigo_. From what he said it's obvious I'm not good enough for you." My arm was screaming now, but I kept the pain off my face.

"What did Captain Kurosaki say?" I kept any emotion from my voice, afraid of its reaction.

"You were all over him!"

"Did you see it? Have you any proof of his words?" Tighter still.

"What did happen then?"

"I lost my balance. That's all. He told me to call him by his name, but I didn't. I barely spoke to him at all." He looked up at me then, and I could see the intense pain in his eyes, his anger cooled.

"Really? You don't prefer him to me?" I smiled and shook my head. He stood up and pulled me towards him by my wrist, causing me to gasp at the sudden pain. Tears filled my eyes, and he dropped my arm. I cradled it and looked down. There was a read mark in the shape of his hand around my wrist and it was starting to swell. Toushiro's eyes widened and he backed away from me until he hit the wall. I blinked away the tears, though my arm throbbed, and the mark was starting to turn purple. I wiggled my hand around, hiding a wince as pain shot all up my arm.

"D-did I do that to you?" Toushiro was still against the wall, his eyes filled with disbelief.

"It's fine." Disbelief turned to self-disgust.

"No it's not fine. I was angry and lashed out at you. There is nothing _fine___about that." I walked towards him slowly, and he tried to back away, but was trapped against the wall. He held his hand out, and then hid it behind his back.  
>"Don't Kaori. I might hurt you again." But I still kept getting closer and closer, until I was right in front of him. His eyes widened as I took his hands out from behind his back, holding them in my own.<p>

"You didn't do it on purpose Toushiro. It's not your fault. I could just as easily gotten hurt training, or even walking." I let go if one of his hands, and if fell to his side limply. I placed my palm lightly on his cheek, making him look me in the eyes. I stretched onto my tiptoes and kissed him. He didn't kiss me back, and I pulled away. Anger coursed through my veins like fire, making my wrist go numb.

"God you are so blind! Can't you see that I love you, and that this, what you're doing right now, to yourself and to me, is hurting me more than anything else you could do? So you squeezed my wrist a little too tight! You could have done that helping me up, catching me, anything!" Suddenly, I slapped him, the sound ringing through the room. He put his hand to his cheek, his eyes surprised.

"Are we even now?" I asked, my voice suddenly very tired. Then he laughed. He laughed so hard he had to hold his sides, tears running down his face. I only smiled, too tired to do anything else. When he composed himself he grabbed my around my waist and pulled my close.

"Yes, I suppose we are." And he kissed me deeply. It started off soft, apologetic. Then it changed into something deeper, something needing. I slid my hands up his neck and twined my fingers in his soft hair, pulling him as close as I could.

Suddenly my back was against the wall, Toushiro's body pressing against me. I slid my hands onto his Kimono and it fell open, revealing his scared, muscled chest. I ran my hands across his chest and he shuddered in response. He grabbed my hand, and I cried out in surprise at the pain that shot up my arm.

"Are you alright?" He asked breathlessly.

"Yeah it's just my wrist…" It had swollen badly and turned an ugly purple color.

"You should go to squad four and get that looked at." Toushiro said turning and retying his Kimono.

"Okay. Can I come back after?" He turned to me and smiled, Kissing me again softly.

"I'll be waiting."

I sat at my desk, trying to focus on the paperwork in front of me. The words kept spinning off the page, and my mind just wouldn't focus. It kept running back to the look on her face as I'd crushed her wrist in my hand. She hadn't looked angry, or shown any signs of pain. I remembered the tears in her eyes, the pain I'd caused her. How could I have done that to her? She was everything to me, my life, my soul, my every breath was her. She had somehow managed to pull me back from a frozen sea, when even I'd given up hope. I had told myself _so _many times not to get close, not to let her in, because I knew I would hurt her. There just wasn't a way for me to keep those I loved safe, even from myself. _Especially_ from myself. I had tried to tell her, but she didn't understand. No one understood, and no one ever could.

I loved Kaori like I'd never loved anyone before. But that was no excuse for what I was doing. So why was I doing it? Because I was selfish, and horrible. Suddenly self-hatred welled up inside me, so strongly I felt like I would explode. I needed something, anything, to distract me. So I punched the wall, over and over until my knuckles bled. Suddenly I heard clapping behind me. I turned slowly; afraid of whom I would see.

"Kurosaki. What do you want?" I felt empty, blank. I didn't feel anything, not the pain of my hand, or the anger the captain of squad five usually inspired in me.

"Just figured I'd stop by."

"Kaori's not here."

"Who says I came to see Kaori?"

"Why else would you be here?"  
>"I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier. Kaori barely spoke to me, and her fall was really my fault, I should have checked her footwork." I looked up surprised. Ichigo Kurosaki came all this way just to apologize to me? He nodded toward my hand.<p>

"So what's got you angry enough to break your hand on a wall? Don't you usually go train like crazy when your pissed?" I looked down at my hand now. All of my knuckles where split and bleeding, and there were some wood splinters in them from the wall.

"It's her, isn't it." It was a statement, not a question. My guard went up instantly. And though I would trust Kurosaki with my life in battle, I wouldn't trust him to keep the most important secret to me.

"I don't know what you're talking about Kurosaki." He just sighed and shook his orange head.

"I wouldn't have thought it of you Toushiro, falling in love with a student. Hell falling in love at all. But from what you said to me earlier, it's pretty obvious that she's got you wound around her pretty tight."

"How- how do you know about that?" He chuckled again and rubbed his neck.

"Well for starters you just told me. But when you told me to stay away from her, that's what really told me. You must really love this girl, huh." I was stunned. Maybe Ichigo was more observant than I gave him credit for.

"Yes, yes I do." My voice was nearly a whisper. He turned to leave.

"Well, good luck with that," he said over his shoulder.

"Ichigo, wait." He turned curious.

"You won't… tell anyone…right?" He smiled.

"I remember what it was like to be in your shoes. Granted the consequences where worse than just a demotion and exile from the Seireitei. It was bad enough that Rukia had given me her powers, but if anyone had found out I was in _love_ with her? God we'd of both been tortured to death instead of just killed." I was surprised that he would speak so candidly of his love for his Lieutenant.

"So no, I won't tell anyone. And I hope it works out for you two. With the way she's going, Kaori will graduate the middle of next year. Hell she might even make captain. She nearly kicked my ass today." He waved over his shoulder as he left.

"Oh, and you should get that hand checked out." He called back. I looked down again. Blood was dripping from my knuckles, and the pain was setting in. So I set off for squad four, praying I wouldn't run into Kaori. I didn't want to have to explain having hurt my other hand to her. 


End file.
